Life as we know it

So I’ve been fighting with posting this for some time now... this last year has been insane to say the least. It’s hard to find the good when so many obstacles have been thrown in our past. Before 2018 ended we got a new dog, Thunder. He was the sweetest, most loving dog we could have asked for. Sadly we had nothing but health issues with him from the time that we got him and a couple of months ago we had to put him down because he was too sick. This was extremely hard on all of us, especially the kids. Then, most of you who know me, know that I’ve been trying to be a surrogate for over 3 years now. Due to health issues I had when I was a child, Joel and I didn’t know if we would be able to have children of our own. Clearly it was in God’s plans to bless us with two beautiful Godly babies. After being blessed with Cam and Aria, I have been hoping and praying that I could bless someone with the gift of life. My kids are my entire world, I cannot imagine not having them, and more than anything I would love to bless someone with a child that is their own. For 3 years, I have been matched with couples and something has come along to mess up the match. First it was Zika virus, I wasn’t allowed to be a surrogate because I lived in the state of Florida. After that I was matched but the timing just wasn’t right. Then I was matched with an incredible couple of who I will leave unnamed, but their clinic said that I wasn’t the greatest candidate for surrogacy. Fast forward to a few months ago. I was matched with a sweet couple from New York. Everything was wonderful, we got along well... they are great. More than anything I wanted to gift them with a child. We went through the LONG process of health checks, psych evals, contracts and finally the transfer to find A POSITIVE pregnancy test. Well things just didn’t seem right... from the beginning it just didn’t seem like my other pregnancies... we thought maybe it was multiples. When going in for bloodwork my numbers were great. Next check, my numbers went down. They assumed I was having an early miscarriage. When I went in a third check my numbers went up again... hmm this was odd. They assumed maybe the machine just wasn’t accurate. Finally I went in for an ultrasound and you guessed it, no baby. Again, they assumed miscarriage and told me to go in to ensure that my numbers were going down as they had to be. Surprisingly they were continuing to rise which meant one thing, the baby was growing somewhere that it wasn’t supposed to. This was a TERRIBLE appointment. Hearing that there is a baby growing inside you that you want more than anything and it isn’t a viable pregnancy. I didn’t want to call the family and tell them, I wanted the doctor to. Thank God for an amazing friend that went with me or I don’t think I would have made it through this. After leaving the doctor I had to go to the hospital to pick up a shot to essentially abort the baby. I was already extremely emotional and then had to deal with the judgement of many eyes on me in the pharmacy because they all assumed I was aborting a child that I just didn’t want. After getting the shot (that I was informed would cause many side effects) I went home to trouble breathing, gasping for breath. That night I ended up in the ER due to the medicine only to find out that my numbers had gone up even more since the first check and the shot wasn’t working... Fast forward to a
couple of days later, me getting shot number two. Thankfully shot number 2 started to work. This was back in November. They said every Monday for the next couple of weeks to go get blood work done to ensure my numbers would go down. This has been a very long exhausting process. I hate it. The lady at Quest has become my friend, she knows my story. Life has been a struggle, it’s been one thing after another lately. Our dog getting sick and passing, the surrogacy not working out and having to go through this battle, some health things with our little girl, some friends dropping from our life because they didn’t care to stick around with everything we had going on, our car having problems, it would be easy to dwell on the negative. If you’re reading this far though you know that’s not me. I stopped blogging years ago because my mom got sick. I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t find anything good in my life. I had my husband and two amazing kids but my best friend was dying and that’s all I could see. Now I know I have way too much good. We have struggles but together we make life work. I have an amazing family that is here everyday, good and bad. I have an awesome job with 16 littles that put a smile on my face each day. I have friends that we consider family. I am here and while I’m still waiting for my numbers to drop, to hear that this ectopic pregnancy has gone away completely, I will do it with a smile on my face. I so appreciate the thoughts and prayers of those of you who have known our story. I don’t tell all this for your sympathy. I tell it because it’s so easy to live in the dark, but so much more important to find the light in dark situations. I’m thankful for the light, for my family. Always find the light and live in it. Thanks for reading my ramblings 😉 ❤️

Happy New Year, 2013

So it's January 1st, 2013. Where did 2012 go? Apparently it went so fast that I completely forgot to post even one blog the entire year :p It was a wonderful year filled with so many amazing things, number one being my mom (who had been diagnosed with Cancer in December of 2011) was diagnosed free of cancer over the summer! Of course there are still going to be a million routine check-ups for a while but this was an amazing piece of news and one that we will thank God for until the end of time. The other big thing was Camden turning one :) He is getting to be so big, doing new things everyday! His latest thing (because he sees us do it all the time) when he hugs someone, or something, he always says "Aww" and it is too sweet. We went to Maryland over Christmas which was wonderful spending it with family and friends. It has just been so much fun watching him grow and change every day and we cannot wait to see what happens in 2013. I feel like last year I was so blessed with everything that happened. So many of my friends had babies or are having babies and I love to watch the new group grow and hope that they stick together and form bonds and friendships that myself and Joel have formed with our amazing friends. Anyways, that's about it... time for a new year and the beauty that life may bring. Happy New Year!

I'm Back!

The last time that I wrote in here was about a week before Camden arrived and so much has changed since then.  First of all, we have this perfect little man that amazes me, makes me smile and laugh everyday.  He turned two months this past Sunday (the 30th) and I never truly believed everyone on how time would fly until he arrived.  By the way he was born on August 30th at 6:01 in the morning at 19.5 inches long, weighing 7 lbs 12.8 oz, and I had an amazing and wonderful delivery! It's so crazy to see how much he changes daily and every time he smiles, I cannot help but marvel at the amazing miracle of life that Joel and I created!  I went back to work in October and it has been extremely hard but I'm dealing with it the best that I can. It helps working with some amazing friends and being around adorable (but often rotten) children all day long.  They keep me smiling while I have to be away from my monkey.  He had his two month check up this past week and besides the shots (which he took pretty good) everything was perfect.  He weighed 10 lbs 15.5 oz and is now 23 inches long.  The doctor said he is in the 50th percentile for height and around the 25th-50th for weight.  Needless to say I was relieved when all of that was over with.  Now he doesn't have to go back until the end of December. 
Insanely it is already November and this month is going to fly by. I feel like there is so much to look forward to. First of all the holidays are here and anyone who knows me knows that I am absolutely obsessed with all things holiday related.  I take on Christmas like a crazed person and if it was up to me the radio stations would all be playing Christmas music the day after Halloween... We are going up to Maryland for Thanksgiving, the whole family (Me, Joel, Camden, Sawyer, Marley, and the parents) and it will be the first time most of my family and friends meet Camden.  I cannot wait to be back home and I'm praying for some snow so let's get that going.  Also November 18th Breaking Dawn comes out and I am extremely excited about that. Of course November 17th we will be faithfully waiting in line at the movies for the midnight showing and I will be an absolute train wreck at work the next morning... oh well, it will be worth it! So I have to get going, time for work... only today and tomorrow and then it's the weekend.  Hope everyone enjoys it :)

Last update for a while

I think it's time to update this!
So life has been a hectic blur lately, but in a good way :) My summer VPK session ended at the end of July so the end of last month was pretty chaotic.  The teacher that I taught VPK with for the last school year gave her two weeks right before that happened so everything had been up in the air as for who I was going to be working with this upcoming year, especially with the fact that I'm heading out on maternity leave after the first full week of school (assuming Camden waits at least that long to make his appearance! ) I found out that Kristen is actually staying in the classroom which I am extremely excited about! This week has been a whole bunch of getting stuff together in our room so that it's all ready for the new kids. We have 20 kids this year... at the moment, but the list has gone down and right back up a few times so I guess we will see on Monday for sure which kids will be coming. I'm excited to meet all the new little ones and just hoping I can hold out a little bit longer!

Oh and last week we started our one week appointments with the doctor.  All the fun that comes along with that is checking to see if I'm dilated at all each week. The first appointment which was 36 1/2 weeks I was not dilated but I was slightly effaced... not sure the percentage.  This week when I went I had a doctor besides my usual one and she's not my favorite person for reasons that I'm not going to get into but needless to say she didn't bother checking and I didn't bother reminding her, I figured I can wait until my next appointment (next Thursday) with my doctor to see. Anyways, everything has been going really good. We have just about everything that we need for Camden with the exception of a few minor things here and there.  We still have the put the car seat in... whenever we decide which car to put it in for the trip home and I have to get my hospital bag together. My last day of work before maternity leave is next Friday the 19th so I'm counting down the days to get all the last minute stuff done.  I doubt I will update this anymore before he arrives, and probably not for a while afterwards... I cannot wait to meet him and hold him in my arms and I know daddy and grandparents and everyone else is anxious too!

Hope everyone is doing great,

Love Sam

Quick Update

Everything's been going so fast. I feel like it was just a few weeks ago that we found out we were having a baby, and then that he was a boy, and now in less than 3 weeks I will be full term and he can come at any point after that. At our last appointment we had a different doctor because ours was out and every other appointment we have been told everything looks great and sounds great. Of course this doctor tells us that we need to get a growth ultrasound because he is measuring smaller than he should be at this point. She said this could mean a few different things, not necessarily anything bad. One, he could just be small which news flash I'm no giant! Two, she said he could be positioned really low which could mean that he may come earlier than the due date??? (Not jinxing it but fingers crossed!) Three, he could not be growing properly which would be the one bad thing. Or he might just be balled up, which he does tend to do. Anyways, we have to go back Friday for that so I'm praying everything is alright. I just want to see my everyday doctor, I don't like going to some new lady and having her tell me otherwise!

Besides that everything has been good. The baby shower is this weekend and I am so excited! I haven't seen a lot of these people in a long time and it will be nice to see everyone! None of my MD family and friends are able to make it which kind of sucks but it will still be wonderful thanks for my amazing family and friends here. Anyways, I'm on a break and really should get back to work so hope everyone is having a great week. I know it is hotter than Hades here!

Insomnia strikes

So it's about 4:30 am and I cannot sleep. It's been this way for a little bit now. I'm not talking a full night of lying awake just that half night wake up toss and turn until I hope to fall back asleep before work. I'm just so anxious about so much right now, the main thing being pretty obvious. Anxious in a good way but I wish I could still sleep! Anyways, guess this means I have time to update my blog.
So this past weekend we drove up to Maryland for my brother and Andreas wedding. If you're reading this then you probably already know that their actual wedding was in Jamaica in the end of April but since we couldn't make it to that one it was definitely out of the question to miss this wedding, afterall they are two of my favorite people in the entire world! Needless to say the wedding was breathtaking. We had so much fun and had to come back to Florida way too soon!! And I don't know if it's just me, but it seems way hotter than it did when we left Thursday.
So now that all of the weddings we've had planned for the past hmm... Year and a half are over, it's officially baby focus time... Probably part of the reason for my sleep deprivation. Another part would be the fact that My stomach is getting bigger by the second and while my maternity pillow has come to be one of my new best friends, it can only do so much! This saturday we have our 4d ultrasound first thing in the morning, which I booked almost 3 months ago and have been EXTREMELY excited about. And then that night we have cirque de soleil!! So I think now that there's only a tiny bit of time before I have to get up I may actually be able to sleep, but I'm sure this is the first of what will become many random middle of the night posts. Hope everyone is sleeping better than me... I cannot wait for this little man to be here, not expecting better sleep. Just want to meet him and let him know how loved and special he is! Goodnight (or morning)

Love, Sam

Because I Said So...

So maybe I should update... I've been slacking a little. Umm since my last post, not too much has happened in the pregnancy besides my little gummy bear growing bigger.  I had my glucose test yesterday (Tuesday), and despite all of the horror stories I have been told it wasn't 100% awful. The stuff did not by any means taste good, it was nasty... but I didn't get nauseous from it which is always a plus! I did get slightly lightheaded but Camden was wired. I think all that sugar had him going. Or he was trying to escape from the disgusting liquid that his mother was drinking haha. That's really my theory. Just a little bit longer baby, keep cooking. Work has been going pretty good. This is the second week with my new class and the new kiddos are doing pretty good. There are 9 of them, which is wonderful compared to the 20 that we had during the school year.  One of them asks me "why?" about... 7 times a day and I have caught myself responding with a phrase that I never thought I would say, "Because I said so."  I know it's awful, but when you tell a child something like "Don't push him off the porch" and he responds with "why?", I feel that response is much better than would you like me to push you!" Pregnancy hormones are not so sensitive to 4 year olds :p Oh and I actually have a student intern that is observing my class and well that is interesting to say the least... I try and be understanding since I know what it is like but it can definitely be trying. (Side note- I don't understand how someone that wants to be a teacher can never want to have kids... this seems a little off to me) Anyways, I've been trying to take it easy because I get exhausted fairly easy at this point in the pregnancy. I'll be 29 weeks on Sunday so I'm officially in the third trimester and I'm about 7 months. It seems so crazy to think that this time a couple of months from now we'll have a little one. I cannot wait to meet him! Guilty to say I'm a Secret Life addict, and this past weeks episode was, to put it mildly, a tearjerker. It really hit me, and my poor husband had to sit there and suffer through the emotional wreck that is me. SPOILER ALERT for anyone who watches Secret Life and has not seen this past weeks episode because I have to give some explanation...

Two of the main characters went to the hospital to have their baby and the baby didn't end up making it. All of the family and friends found out that the baby was being delivered and came to the hospital with presents for the new parents and baby and of course that was when they found out the baby passed away. Anyways, loving someone, the biggest fear is losing that person. I did not think it was possible to love another human so much that I've never even met before, but I love my unborn child more than life itself. Just the thought of something happening breaks my heart and I hate the thought of anyone having to go through that. I just pray daily that everything goes well with the rest of our pregnancy and that we have a healthy, safe delivery. Okay so I am done with that I guess (If you're still reading I am truly impressed!)

When we went to the doctors, we made an appointment for every 2 weeks up until my 36 week mark. Seeing it all mapped out that way makes it all seem so soon. Starting in July we have something literally every week for the baby, whether it's an appointment, ultrasound, or the baby shower :) Oh and in 2 weeks we'll be heading back to Maryland for my brother and sister-in-law's wedding celebration (part 2!) I am very happy to be able to be there for this one since we were unable to make the gorgeous Jamaican extravaganza.

I think I'm rambling so I'm done. I cannot wait until this weekend, much needed relaxation is planned.